Several things crossed my mind when I lost my job back in June:
- FUCK YES (because that place was toxic as fuck).
- OH FUCK (because I made really good money and, let’s be real, I don’t have the best financial habits).
- FINALLY (because I had been craving something new, a better career path, and it is never too late to start over).
As someone who has worked literally half my life, I felt so lost and stuck, even though this was exactly what I wanted. I was already on the path to a career change, and while that was exciting, it was also scary and unpredictable. THANK THE UNIVERSE for my husband holding it down during that time.
The unfortunate part about losing my job was the timing. I was almost a year into this shift that should take about two and a half years in total. I was definitely not in a position to lose my income. That has been the hardest part: going from growing up with little money, to becoming financially independent, to now being financially dependent again. Honestly, that is where a lot of my identity crisis has been spiraling from 😅🫠.
On top of that, I never dreamed of being a mom. I was always kind of indifferent, and then it happened, and I found myself asking… did I just make a huge mistake? That is not to say I do not love my kid, because obviously I do. But let me tell you, it is a DAILY STRUGGLE, and it is not talked about enough.
For me personally, I am not emotional, social, or outgoing. I love peace, quiet, and time with myself, which is basically the opposite of motherhood. But at the end of the day, I do love it (not every day, and that is okay). I live and breathe for my child, but I also know I need to start living and breathing for myself too.
Right now, I am just navigating life one internal conversation at a time.
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